The First Rule of Cat Club…

Hiding out from getting shot!

I can’t believe Carla BLOGGED about skipping school! She blogged about it; everyone knows you don’t tell when you skip school, but she BLOGGED about it! Doesn’t she know Mommy and Daddy both read our blog?

Humans don’t “get” feline obedience school. They think it’s like canine obedience school where dogs go. Maybe it’s because they have parent-teacher meetings every day at canine school. It’s because dogs need more guidance. I’ve never even heard of online classes for dogs. Okay, not to be mean to dogs, but they really are the jocks of the humans’ 4-legged companion world; canine obedience school is almost all gym classes. There is a lot more book-work and homework in feline obedience school. Canine homework is pretty much a human saying “sit, stay, obey.” As if! . Feline obedience school is way past that. When I say “sit, stay” I never have to say “obey.” Mommy and Daddy know the drill well.

But as for Carla telling everybody about skipping the first day of school, people don’t understand that’s a good thing. She explained it right, but the concept is a little complicated for humans. I think Mommy and Daddy both got as far as “Kaline and me both skipped school” and stopped reading and got mad. They got so mad about it they forgot I already graduated. Isn’t there a human law statue someplace with limits for punishing after graduation? By the way, there was a cat statue that says you can’t punish a cat at all, but it got knocked over and broken by a Maine Coon jumping on the table a long time ago. So until they make another statue humans can punish cats within the SPCA guidelines. I learned that in my cat-law class. I don’t think the SPCA does enough for house cats. There should be a stricter SPPC (Society for the Prevention of Punishment of Cats). Or someone needs to rebuild that cat statue!

So Mommy and Daddy punished us. Since Carla wasn’t in school Tuesday because she skipped and snitched on me for 2 years ago, Mommy and Daddy had us shot! They stuffed us in boxes and took us to the place where they shoot cats. The doctor’s assistant weighed us and the doctor looked at us and then they shot us both!! And our parents wonder why we don’t like car trips. It’s the drive-by shots we don’t like! No car, no shot. The vet doesn’t make house calls because they know the dangers of trying to shoot us on our turf.

So now Carla knows the first rule of Cat Club - DON'T BLOG ABOUT CAT CLUB!

Braver

Hi everyone! I’m all better now, really. There is a silver lining to my sore eye. Mommy felt so bad about my eye hurting that she’s afraid to touch my eye dirt! Okay, maybe not afraid, but she actually listens to me when I don’t want her messing with it. I let her clean my eyes when I feel like it and I let her hold me and get really calm. I think she and Daddy feel bad about putting stuff in my eye. They said it was good for it, but how do they know it didn’t just get better and had nothing to do with the goop they put in it?

That’s another thing, silly Carla. When I couldn’t type because the computer light hurt my sore eye, she told everyone my eye had an affection. My eye had an INfection, they put stuff IN it. I still would have liked it better if I had a outfection, so they’d have to stay out of my eye.

Monday was the scariest night of the year again. Why is there an invasion every year? Mommy made more candy bombs than ever this year and they worked, like they always do. Mommy is my hero! The swarms were pretty heavy for a while. I stayed upstairs with Carla and listened to them coming to the door and heard them trying to trick Mommy into letting them in to pull our tails and those awful things they do when they run towards cats. Mommy threw the candy bombs at them. I think people kitten monsters have a candy addiction and when you throw the candy bomb at them the get so crazy about the candy they run off in another direction because they forget the wanted to get a cat.

Candy Zombies trying to come in the Cat TV screen is scary stuff! But I was really brave again this year. That picture is me checking on the extra ammunition. Mommy throws those if she runs out of candy bombs. She sits right in front of the TV screen so the candy zombies can't get in. I stayed behind her. Scary movies are okay once in a while, but the Candy Zombies are just too scary to want to be right by the screen like Carla and I usually like to be.

Thankfully, it’s over for another year and the swarm of candy zombies trying to come through the TV is gone. The scariest night of the year is over!

One last note today – We have officially dedicated our blog to Baggle, Chester and Aunt Azzie. Carla never met Chester or Aunt Azzie, but she would have liked them. Chester was such a sweet brother and Aunt Azzie was the coolest old cat a kitten could know. She taught me so much! Sharing our happy cat world with all of our readers is our tribute to those three great cats!

Holiday? Hmmmm...

Every few months, we're all black cats on Friday!

This morning, I woke Mommy up way before her alarm to pet me. You know what she did? That’s right, she pet me! I don’t even know if she really woke up. I just said pet me and she did. I think I have my final project aced for school! Getting done early has given me time to ponder something else that is pretty huge!

I like holidays, I really do. But the holidays I like are the ones we share with EVERYBODY. Thanksgiving and December. There’s something for everyone in December. Opening Day, which is totally an everyone holiday. Baggle says to ask Mommy because he is sure there is baseball in the Jungle Book, just like in Dances With Wolves. It got edited, but it was there! Memorial Day and Labor Day are good because we usually get to see our Grandma, unless the weather is bad and Mommy and Daddy stay home. I like the Fourth of July, but more in the daytime than at night. There are a lot of loud noises at night. There are personal holidays that you get, but they’re better to share too. That’s the important thing about holidays. SHARING.

Carla says she gets a holiday Friday. “It’s a black cat thing,” she says. What? She is gonna have a special holiday that she doesn’t share? That’s so street cat! I decided to do some internet research.

It seems that HUMANS are the ones that made black cats all that on Friday The 13th. Not all cats scare people, just the black ones. That’s just silly! Maybe that’s why they declaw cats, afraid of them. Well, why they’d declaw the black ones anyway. It’s all so dumb. If a human can tie us down and knock us out to declaw us, how scared can they be? Boy some humans are just out there. We are kind and benevolent rulers!

So here’s what I think humans should do on Friday. Wake up on time, have a good breakfast with some milk and share it with your cat. Go out for lunch and bring some salmon home for your cat. Then when you come home, watch a baseball game with your cats and give them extra treats. (Daddy, are you reading this?) And if a black cat crosses your path, give it a scritch behind the ears and send it home to its people. Unless it doesn’t have a home, then you should consider adoption. Feeding cats and giving them good homes to rule is the best way to keep the bad luck away.

So we'll all celebrate on Friday. It’s the day when, just like the people are all Irish in March, we’re all black cats on Friday the 13th.

Have a lucky day!

I Was SO Brave!

Yep, that’s me last night! You read that right, LAST NIGHT, Halloween! I stayed downstairs when the spooky spirits tried to come in from the Cat TV screen. The spookies still came in bunches and they were scary too. So many of them from outer space last night, Mommy and Daddy did so good fending them off last year that they called for backups from outer space! Then there was one who tried to trick us into thinking he was a dog, but I saw a people face! It was a small people in a dog suit! That was really scary. I might have come closer and been nice to a dog and then, bam, they take me away from my home, family and treats to live in the TV. I do not want to live in the TV. It’s fun to watch, but I bet scary to live in.

But I trust Mommy and Daddy. They threw those candy bombs at the spookies and the spookies ran. Most of them made threats or anyway, they said “thank you.” Like “thank you” is sincere when you say it after someone throws a candy bomb at you to make you run away. But I stayed downstairs mostly, except when I went to check on Baggle, who was still hiding. I told him it was safe with Mommy and Daddy on the front lines. Well, right behind the screen. They said it was warmer last year when they were in front of the TV screen on the other side. Of course it was warm last year. They put fire in the pumpkin! This year Daddy painted with marker on the pumpkin and they put the pumpkin on the other side of the TV screen. No fire in it meant it wasn’t warm. Parents over-think things sometimes.

So the spookies swarm ended and lights went out on TV. We used up all the candy bombs Mommy made and some of the extra candy ammunition, but there was a lot left. Mommy says those are treats for people. They don’t smell like much, but Daddy sure seems to like the pills rolled up in little tubes. They call them Smarties. I guess if he eats enough of them, he’ll remember that fire makes it warm.

So Baggle and I survived another Halloween together. He’s a good brother, even if he is still chicken on Halloween. Baggle wants to write a blog too, but we decided we could share mine. I want to ask Mommy to make him a logo so you’ll know when he’s writing and when it’s me. That might take a little while because Mommy and Daddy are very busy right now. They keep telling us that we might even have to help out! For the last week they’ve been talking about something Mommy is going to do and that Baggle and I will have assist her tomorrow. Can’t imagine what is so important that we have to help, but we kinda owe Mommy and Daddy for getting us treats in Iowa during the honey moon, so well get ready for assist her tomorrow. Well, I have cat manager stuff to do before I cuddle up with Mommy and Daddy in bed.

Sad News and Dog TV??

.Did you ever get the feeling you were being watched by a dog?

I have some really sad news today. One of the feline stars of cat TV went to the Rainbow Bridge yesterday.

Scaredy Cat was a great actor. Some cats thought he was typecasted because he was a black cat, but I think it was just that he was a really great stunt-cat. He prowled around yards on Cat-TV, stalking the bugs and checking things out, but if there was the slightest noise, he broke into a comic sprint, scrambling to hide from whatever it was that made the noise. Mommy and Daddy sometimes used the interactive screens to make a door noise and that would set him into his act. Yesterday a stunt went terribly wrong.

It was a normal stunt he’d done so many times before. He hears a noise and makes a sprint across the street and gets barked at by Neighbor Dog. But yesterday he was off his game and a miscue brought a car coming down the road seconds too soon. It was Scaredy Cat’s last stunt.

When Mommy came home after dark, “Mr. Dad” from the House Across The Street Show met her by her car. I think he was in shock. Scaredy Cat did his stunts so good, how could it have happened? He had heard that Baggle was a mostly black cat and thought maybe he was doing a screen test or something. Mommy got scared. She was gone most of the day. Did Baggle run off to be on Cat TV when she was leaving??

I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so happy to see Baggle when she came in as she was last night. I was a little jealous, but we both got treats, so it was okay. Sadly, though, it really was Scaredy Cat that died in the show. Mommy just kept saying “That’s why you’re HOUSE cats. That’s why you don’t go outside near the busy streets.” I think she was in shock too. I mean, if a skilled actor like Scaredy Cat can get into a terrible accident, well, Baggle and I aren’t trained in stunt sprinting at all.

Scaredy Cat was a shy cat and didn't say a lot about his family, so Mr Dad has been trying to find his next of kin to make sure they know. Please say a prayer for Scaredy Cat and his humans.

I did find out one weird thing, though. Dog, from the House Across The Street Show, is a fan of Baggle and me! Can you imagine? He sees us watching Cat-TV and likes to watch. It creeps me out a little. We don’t do anything but relax and watch TV, but Mr. Dad says he watches us all the time! I think I’d probably get bored with the action on Dog-TV, but I won’t insult my fans. I guess if you have talent, you really can make it on reality TV, and we watch Cat-TV REALLY WELL!

Well, I can’t disappoint my fans. Falling Leaves is on and they are counting on me watching it!

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Finally Back to Normal!

I know. It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. There has been so much going on!

My Grammy, who makes the cat afghans, got really sick. She was in the people hospital for a long time and Mommy stayed with her a lot. I think her voice got the most sick because Mommy doesn’t talk to her on the phone on Mondays now. She leaves for a long time to go see her on Monday instead. It’s nice to go see Grammy when she can’t talk, but Mommy doesn’t give us attention when she goes away. Grammy got sick in August, just before the world’s cat treat supply dried up. That was awful! But Mommy and Daddy came through for us!

In August this year, there was a honey moon. I’m not really sure what a honey moon is, but I know that blue moon is when it is full moon twice in a month. They call the second one blue because it gets werewolves depressed because they have to be dogs again before the month is even over. Maybe the honey moon is when bees get depressed.

Anyway, Mommy and Daddy were talking about the honey moon and Mommy said they’d bring us back treats. I didn’t realize how serious the honey moon was! It took them TWO WEEKS to find us treats! Our Grandma who visits us when Mommy and Daddy pack suitcases visited us while they were gone, but this was different. This time they were on a mission to find cat treats!

There was one bag of Steenkey treats on the dining room table. I thought to myself, since Mommy and Daddy had to go far away to find treats that weren’t killed by the honey moon, that bag of treats may be the last one ever! After they’d been gone for a while, Baggle and I had to take matters into our own paws. If those treats stayed in the bag and dried out, we’d have killed the last cat treats there were. We had to get the treats out before the honey moon killed them! So, we dragged the bag on the ground and chewed our way into it. If we were never going to get treats again these ones weren’t going to get wasted!

Then Mommy and Daddy finally came home with a bag of treats they found in Iowa. Imagine. The honey moon destroyed so many treats they had to go to Iowa to find some! But do we have great staff or what? They braved travelling during the honey moon to make sure we have treats! Even if they could only find one bag, we love them for their loyalty!

But there’s good news! Mommy was washing people dishes the day after they got back and she said “The honey moon is over!” YAY! I heard Daddy agree that the honey moon was over when he was cleaning our litter boxes. Our parents are awesome staff! They really went the extra miles going away to find treats during the honey moon and now that the honey moon is over, MORE TREATS!

Now things are back to normal. I’m catching up on the work I got behind on in my online cat obedience school classes. It’s hard to concentrate on school when your system is getting used to not having treats. We had to ration the bag under the table. It was hard times for cats, but our great staff pulled us through!

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Oh The Horror EVERY Year!

The best I can figure is Mommy and Daddy used to be in the army or something. They were undercover agents. They took out their old spy uniforms last night and went out on enemy soil! I watched them set up just outside the Cat TV screen with all of their ammunition! I guess they meant business when they decided that no giant ladybugs were coming out of the TV!

An old army picture I found of Mommy
and Daddy and one of their army pals

It’s a seasonal swarm as best as I can tell, Halloween is when they all dress up scary and swarm houses. Mommy and Daddy were sitting in front of the screen. I guess it got pretty bad because they didn’t even want me to watch!

When Daddy came home he said that the pumpkin face Mommy made would scare away evil spirits. So that’s what those scary guys that look like human kittens are! I swear they look like young people. But the pumpkin didn’t scare them away either. Daddy put a fire in it and everything and they still came, for TWO HOURS they came.

I scratched at the glass a couple of times, begging them to come out of the TV and just close the screen maybe move the big people TV in front of it. That seems like the only screen the spirits try to come in through. But they were so brave! They had to protect us.

It was bad this year. Mommy used up all her candy bombs and the swarm kept coming. They had to use the candy in the bowls, like little bombs or sprinkling firecrackers. When the swarm was all done, Mommy and Daddy came in, the ammunition was almost GONE! We couldn’t have taken another strike!

I’m glad the evil spirit swarm is only once a year.